Not long now.....

The other day I received my rota by post. As you can imagine that scared me even more!
Its not that bad really - I only have one weekend in eleven on, and roughly have one night a week where I have to work til nine (F1s at this hospital do not have nights during medical rotations). But I have never worked before - ever! So not only do I have to come to terms with working, but there's also the extra non-9-to-5 stuff as well! I knew it would be like this, but it is different when you see it in the cold reality of black and white.
Then there's all the other stuff to come to terms with - the fact that I am now responsible for patients. No going home at the end of the day and being able to sleep peacefully at night. I envisage myself tossing and turning worried about Mrs X's urine output, and whether I've written up too much fluid for Mr Y, and whether Mr Z is at risk of a fall after I've encouraged him to walk about as much as possible (even though I know that he is a very fit gentleman, despite his advanced years).
Despite being very involved in the working of the firms* to which I was attached during medical school, I was still a student - if there was a blood sample I could not take, it was left for the PRHO*; if the patients blood results were skew I could think up some causes and suggest a mode of action, but the PRHO decided; if there was a problem with a patient's relations the PRHO would deal with it, and I would tag along as a silent observer. Not anymore - now I am that PRHO.
After that, there's the issue of my knowledge - I've heard the much bandied phrase that "it'll be a steep learning curve once you start working", and despite my efforts to console myself with thoughts that I will not be the only one in this position, and that I do actually know something, I'm afraid that I'm going to commit a serious mistake....even possibly one that may be fatal. A consultant once told my group that he would rather operate on himself at home than be admitted in August with acute appendicitis - as the death rate in August is higher than at any other time of the year. But I wonder - is that really true? and with the support of senior doctors that we are assured we will have, surely it cannot be that bad??
The truth is I am like a duck - calm on the surface and paddling furiously under water. I hope I remain that way and don't become like a beginner swimmer attempting free style, with arms and legs flailing in all directions....or worse - start drowning.
Oh well, only time will tell....


*Firm = team = one consultant and his staff, which usually consist of a SpR (specialist registrar), a SHO (senior house officer) and a JHO/PRHO/F1 (all titles used to refer to a doctor just out of medical school)
**PRHO = pre-registration house officer - a term now displaced by F1 - which is what a newly qualified doctor is called. One only gets fully registered with the GMC at the end of the first year.