I need a hero!

I've never been one to have idols - I've never wanted to be like Muhammed Ali or Kennedy or Maggie Thatcher. And being the strange child I was (and some might say, still am), I was never interested in music or movies, and so far from wanting to be someone 'cool', I didn't even know who counted....although I think part of me fancied Cliff Richard (hey - blame my mum and her cassettes!).

Being one to over-analyse everything, I put this down to my fear of disappointment, and rationalise it thus: all idols are human and therefore prone to err - how can you put someone on a pedastal when all you know of them is what the movies portray them as, and the media's take on them...neither of which can be considered real.

But there are people I've admired - my mother (I want her inner strenght), a few teachers (oh, that I were even half as capable of expressing my enthusiasm for the mundane!) and possibly the odd politician, albeit with reservations (I think Bill Clinton's great....who cares about monicagate or whatever the press labelled it).

Since starting medicine, I've had a need to be impressed by my consultants. I know it sounds silly, or childish....after all, why should a consultant bother to impress a junior, and a very junior junior at that. But its more than that. I tend to respect people who impress me - and at work, they have to have qualities that I would want my ideal doctor (and therefore the doctor that I want to become) to have.

My first consultant was great. I was rather scared of her at the start - she being an omni-present, omni-potent big cheese in the little hospital, whose medical knowledge was desirable and more than that, her clinical and communication skills (more with the patients - i didn't always agree with her behaviour towards other staff) were admirable. She was always upfront and direct - you knew for sure exactly where you stood with her. And that was great - better that, than the back-stabbing that is unfortunately common-place.
My second consultant was like a bit of limp celery compared to her, and my third lot of consultants were the mixed bag, and I was in a state of permanant stress, and so couldnt care less!

So far this year, my consultants have been really nice and approachable...which is great! But I think I'm one of those people that needs a more unapproachable, "ivory-tower" type consultant to aspire to...someone who will impress me...make me strive to be a better me.


Who am I kidding? All I want is a job!